This one is a little serious

NATALIE GRANT - HELD LYRICS:
"Two months is too little
They let him go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence
Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling
Who told us we'd be rescued
What has changed and
Why should we be saved from nightmares
We're asking why this happens to us
Who have died to live, it's unfair

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held

This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it and
Let the hatred numb our sorrows
The wise hand opens slowly
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held

If hope is born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait, for one hour
Watching for our savior

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held
We'd be held

This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held

This is what it means to be held....."

This is just a warning that this post may get a little deep. I just don't want to ever forget and since I really want to use this blog to chronicle our family I want to write some things down.

I remember hearing this song in my car on the way to work one day back in 2006. I remember thinking how sad it was (I even cried) because I could not imagine loosing a child. At the time I was barely pregnant with Ethan. Who knew a few months later I would be using this song at Ethan's funeral. Who knew a few years later I would be using it to bring me peace when I was pregnant with Noah. Here today pregnant with Asher I should of known I would need it again. I absolutely love this song and I know God does too. I think it is perfect theology I know some may not agree with me but I have yet to find anywhere in the Bible that says if you follow me nothing bad will ever happen. I love the progression of this song it truly is the grief progression that I went through with Ethan. I could not understand why he passed away while my friends laid their hands on me and prayed. I am a christian right bad things aren't supposed to happen to good people right? Then the part about bitterness yep went through that also but I love how she puts it "the wise hand opens slowly". That is how amazing God is. He did not get mad at my bitterness He opened as slowly as I needed. The chours is soooo true and I think it is what has helped me the most with Noah and Asher. The sacred was torn from my life and I survived and I remember that I didn't really want to but I did. The second part "This is what it is to be loved and to know That the promise was when everything fell We'd be held" When I listen to that part it just reminds me of the gospel. Wasn't God's sacred Son torn from His life b/c God loves us and the Promise of Jesus wasn't so nothing bad would happen. The Promise is when bad things do happen God will hold us b/c He has been there before. I know I still fall into the trap of 'why me' a lot but that is why I wanted to write this in my blog. I remember when I was processing through things and trying to come to terms with having another child I knew I needed to rely on God's promises. The promise I wanted was to find an exact verse that said I God will give you children, a perfect pregnancy, and all will be just peachy keen. Well, I could not find that any where in the Bible =). Once again this song helped me to see what the Bible was saying and again even today God is still using it to open my eyes. I know that no matter what "The promise is when everything falls I will be held" I will be held by an amazing God. Who has used my suffering to birth hope a hope that I can not imagine living with out.

Noah and Asher,
It is that hope that has gotten me through. I pray you will know how special you are to me and that you are the result of an amazing God. I want nothing more in life than for you to find and understand the great hope I have in Christ Jesus.
Love,
Mommie (I know it is misspelled but there is a funny story behind it that I will tell you some day)